if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
