Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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