Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
