Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
