Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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