Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
