Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
