my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
