I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
