Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
