Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize