he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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