My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
40s are totally the cure
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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