My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
