The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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