i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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