He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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