Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize