So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
