I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
