I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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