I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
