but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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