He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am one with the molecules
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
