Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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