her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
