I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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