What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
