Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
