Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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