just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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