What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
