i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
