I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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