You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
