Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
