sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
