is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
