i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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