I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
