i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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