And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
