He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
