shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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