I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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