Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
