forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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