Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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