You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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