is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
