I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
