And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
