By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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