Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
