thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
