We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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