So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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