Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
