She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
