I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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