She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
