Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
