Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
