the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize