is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
