I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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