party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
