....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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